I don’t know anything about DISH Hopper, and that’s not because I haven’t seen any commercials about it. I have seen this one many times. I don’t know anything about it because I’ve been distracted thinking too much about it’s commercial. If you can’t stand to watch a thirty-second video (I mean, really, who has the time?), then here’s a summary: One guy wants to beat another guy with a bat so he can watch what he wants on TV. Hilarious, right? You just had to be there. But at the end, the on the couch says something like, “Now we just gotta decide who gets the pizza,” and the one guy gets the bat again. But — and this is what distracts me — if he beats the guy on the couch, then the guy on the couch can’t get the pizza. He could just threaten to beat him, but then he’d have to decide which is worse: taking a few minutes to get a pizza or getting Babe Ruth’d in the face.
I’m sure DISH did well selling their product with this ad. They might have said some good stuff in it. I was just busy worrying about whether or not those guys were gonna get a pizza. But Geico was one of the earlier pioneers in utilizing humor to not advertise their product at all. After watching countless commercials featuring cavemen, a little piggy, two guys who both want to be Mumford, and a gecko who is now the mascot for the company despite not wanting to in earlier ad campaigns, I know one thing about Geico: they sell cheap car insurance.
But despite killing and burying jokes, and presumably doing the same every few months to whoever writes their ads, at least their commercials are somewhat logical. The little piggy and talking gecko don’t exist in our universe, and Geico doesn’t want to convince us that they do. State Farm, on the other hand, is a little ambiguous about their slogan that they’re there. (I might have written this blog just to use those three homophones in the same sentence.) Look at this commercial. Two guys are too scared to leave their car, too. (Yeah.) Sure, you’re gonna want insurance when your car’s being nudged by a buffalo. You know what they say: Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo, and also your car sometimes. But on a less alliterate note, we get the understanding from this ad that State Farm is there like a good neighbor, but mostly that they also have super teleportation powers. And that’s it. There’s no real world application in that commercial.
But I didn’t just write this blog to make excessive use of homophones. What am I? Geico? No, I wrote it to point out this commercial. Many products and companies have mascots that are talking animals or talking hands or talking, ticklish children made of dough, but you don’t see many mascots that are the actual product, but with the ability to talk and make prejudiced accusations. I feel bad for any girl named Kadija (sp?) because of this ad. They will no longer have any guy friends, and if they do, they better hope their girlfriends don’t have a Pink Pill by Beats by Dr. Dre. I’d assume the thing is for listening to music, but it looks more like an overzealous alarm system that screams at anything remotely suspicious. But be prepared for the hilarious punchline: Nicki Minaj overreacting by kicking you out of her life. So go buy a big pink lozenge.