For a while, I’ve been throwing around the idea of me writing a book sometime in the distant future. The reason it’s the distant future is because I don’t really feel like deleting my blog in order to make people pay to read it on paper. I’m also not all for the idea of selling out and being forced to do product placement for an extra buck. (You could also read it on your new Kindle Fires!) Though, none of this is to say that anyone would want to pay to read my blogs. If I ever do write a book, it’s not gonna be based on this blog. That would be silly.
However, it would force me to explore a lot of different genres and ideas considering the fact that probably my entire life has been published in pieces here. What I’m saying is I’m running out of stuff to write about, so by the time I get to writing a book, no one’s gonna wanna publish a one-sentence memoir that reads, “I’m still not dead.” So here are some other ideas for possible book subjects. Tell me what you think.
1. I might be living your dream
I recently finished reading a book called When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris. It’s a book of funny essays that Sedaris wrote about his life experiences and thoughts, but what got me thinking was how much he wrote about being a traveling writer. If he writes so much about it now, what did he write about before he traveled? So I got to thinking: what if I were to become a traveling writer and wrote a book about being a traveling writer, but were also really arrogant about it? I’d have chapters titled “I’m looking at Mt. Everest right now, and you’re probably not,” or “If only you could afford this,” or “Don’t you just hate me?”
2. The Holy Bible: Hipster’s International Paraphrase
The HIP Bible will be filled with the Gospel’s truths but be made relevant for today’s hipsters. It will contain such stories as when God created the heavens and the earth to the tune of Radiohead’s “Everything in its Right Place” (Mm, just imagine it); when Moses stood on holy ground and took off his TOMS; and then when Jesus turned water into Pabst. But maybe it’s not such a good idea because, as the eighth commandment of the two stone iPads says, “Thou shalt not steal … unless it’s from the RIAA,” I don’t want to plagiarize God. It’s kind of a shame; I was really looking forward to making the vinyl audiobook.
3. A book for girls for guys
There seem to be a lot of books out there for girls struggling with insecurity, but not many for guys. Or maybe I’m just not looking hard enough. Part of the problem may be that I haven’t looked at all, though. I think us dudes need a book like that because, come on, even men can be pretty darn vulnerable. But then again since I was kind of a nerd in school, instead of being that nerd that grows up to be all of his classmates’ boss, I’d be that nerd that grows up to write about how manly it really is to cry. No self-respecting man would read it. But on the other hand, it’s not really for the self-respecting men. But on the other other hand, what insecure man pretending to be a self-respecting man would read it?